-I discovered something today. Now my programs can run in a window! How cool is that? No more of the opening up in full screen whether I want them to or not. So, that’s nice in lots of directions.
I had a thought earlier today. I noticed that I was smiling, and it was a Monday. It took me a moment to figure out why I was so contented and I realized what it was – I was doing the job that I wanted and it is everything that I thought it would be. Let me explain, as some people have some half baked notion of what it means to be a Game Developer, let alone what a Designer does exactly. I always thought that making games are hard. Not because the ideas are hard, because they’re not (heck, I discard a few dozen a day. Not that they aren’t good, they’re just not right). It’s hard because of the commitment.
I’ll explain further. On the one hand, when you do something that you don’t care about, or at least, when you’re doing it for somebody else, there is a level of commitment there, which is to say – very little. Well, in the grand scheme of things. For this, and for games in general with very talented and committed people, you’re also making it for you. This is the key distinction. On the one hand, it is very important that you take pride in your work (else it drives you to depression), but , when you’re doing it for yourself it becomes something totally more important and much more difficult. It become hard to say, “Good Enough” because you do want it to be just a little better. After all, I’m not doing this to impress somebody somewhere, I am doing it for me.
So, I can’t bullshit myself and say stuff like, “No, that’s really as good as it can be,” because I know that’s bullshit and I know that I can make it better. Long story short, living up to your own expectations is the hardest thing to do. If you have low expectations of yourself, then why bother in the first place?
Anyway, in spite of the late hours and coding and just now seeing some results, I really like this time that I have. Clark Kent goes to work, but at 5:00PM (or during work if he can sneak it) he’s Superman. That’s what I feel like. By day, I’m mild mannered Eric the Graphic Designer, and by night, I morph into Eric – Game Developer Extraordinaire! This of course is flawless for the guy that always wanted to be just that kind of superhero. If nothing else, this time, right now as I type these words and send them into the internet, this is the time that I will always look back on as my first game that I,I created from nothingness. It reminds me of a quote in Jurassic Park, the old guy that built the place (his name escapes me) said, “Creation is an act of sheer will.”